Saturday, February 14, 2009

some random ideas for urban legends surrounding horseradish.

Longs horseradish is made so naturally that it has been known to cause female cats to start lactating and become possessive of the bottles of horseradish, guarding it as if it were one of their very own young.

Longs is hot enough that when mixed with whiskey and swallowed, it will cause a reaction that will result in a temporary state of fire breathing.

The ingredients of Longs Horseradish is so pure that priests have been known to use it to perform exorcisms, purging the possessed of all unclean spirits.

Being all natural, a bottle of Longs Horseradish once planted underground will sprout an entire field into horseradish plants.

Longs horse radish is so fresh that upon eating, some people have had bowl movements that have yielded whole horseradish plants.

It is said that walt disney's head is preserved in a jar of long's horseradish, although long's horseradish has no preservatives, it lasts forever. *Jamie's*

Longs Horseradish uses radishes grown in graveyards for the extra calcium that the plants extract from the rich soil.

It is rumored that top chefs when serving an important food critic will secretly place an open bottle under the reviewers table, allowing the subtle smell of the radish positively improve the review.

For many people suffering from hairlessness, the naturalness of Longs horseradish when rubbed on the skin will cause rapid hair growth.

When Longs Horseradish is rubbed at the bottom of a kettle, it will boil the water inside in under 5 minutes.

If suffering from Hypothermia, rubbing Longs Horseradish over the naked body is the fastest way to raise the body tempter back to a stable level effectively saving someone's life.

Drinking a full glass of water after eating Longs Horseradish will cause tiny horseradish plants to grow in your stomach only to be killed off by the stomach acids, creating a cool popping, tingly sensation.

Longs horseradish was originally created to be used as a honeymoon gift. I think you get the idea.

Elvis was known to put a little of longs horseradish under his tongue before going on stage. He felt that it made his voice sound more pure and genuine.


An open jar of Longs Horseradish in a small room works to cure the common cold.

Longs Horseradish is not an option for a prisoners last meal. The fear is that once in the electric chair the current will be pulled in and absorbed by the horseradish which has never had any exposure to electricity before.

Truckers have used Longs Horseradish on their tires during winter conditions, effectively melting any of the ice that the tires come in contact with.

Animals have been known to commit suicide or run up to hunters to be shot so that their meat can be lathered in Longs Horseradish.

The grater used by longs to make their horseradish is the design of Leonardo da Vinci. It was the a lifelong project he worked on relentlessly in secret, resulting in very few finished paintings. The result is a one of a kind grater that can out perform any modern day machine.

1 comment:

mitortilla said...

The ingredients of Longs Horseradish is so pure that priests have been known to use it to perform exorcisms, purging the possessed of all unclean spirits.

Animals have been known to commit suicide or run up to hunters to be shot so that their meat can be lathered in Longs Horseradish.

Those are my two picks, and my stupid disney one sucks, maybe if it was abraham lincoln.